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The Voice That Keeps Us Up at Night.

Originally published March 9, 2021

Have you ever seen those animated shows with the ‘devil’ on one’s shoulder and the ‘angel’ on the other? These characters then have a conversation with the person and with one another on who is right and who is wrong. The person these ‘voices’ represent then becomes conflicted and confused and even overwhelmed with what do I do?

Have you been kept up at night listening to the ‘voices of reason’? Those voices of your friends, family or perceived villains in your story.

What is it, do you think, that they are trying to say to you? Are those thoughts even real? I wonder, when I put the visual stop sign up to tell them to stop, why they came up in the first place.

My nemesis in most of my stories is that of self doubt. Can I do this? Will I be good at this? What makes me think I can do this or say this? And the questions just keep coming until I finally say, you know what, I really don’t have a lot to lose if I try. What do I have to gain? Self doubt has definitely and undoubtedly kept me seated in the chair of fear. The voices are almost always coming from conversations I have had with friends, parents or even colleagues. The filter I use to move through these voices and what I believe to be true can often get clogged like a drain. What is true, what is untrue, what is my own truth in all of those voices?

How often have you replayed a conversation in your head or in the shower that you had last week or even a year ago? What has brought this up? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Again it is my self doubt which is impacting me right now. Perhaps it is my voice. I have to be able to listen to my own voice of reason. The other ‘voices’ and their opinions may have impacted me in previous stories, other decisions or choices. What does my own voice say? Do I hear my own challenges, struggles or shift into the wins and celebratory voices? Can I still challenge my own voice? Can I validate those thoughts/feelings? Absolutely, yes I can.

I believe that we have the choice to what we believe in and to discard the rest. We choose the people we have in our lives, the ones who lend to our stories; the truth, the laughter and the realness we seek. These people have value and can provide the aha moment we look for and perhaps can’t come to see without their lens. But again, we have to filter what is in our best interests. And often, it can be more than that one voice or that one thought.

Recently, I was in a situation where I reached out to close friends to ask for guidance. The conversations now swim in my mind and many of the suggestions were similar in nature. There are many different voices, suggestions and connection points. Now it’s up to me to gather, choose and use what is the right information for me. Oddly enough, I used all that was given to me and applied all to what I was already thinking and put it into action. That isn’t always the case. Sometimes, I use one or two of the voices or I don’t use any of the advice or suggestions given to me.

The power in all of this, is with the suggestions and advice I was given this time, was attached to the words “no matter what you do, we support you and love you and will be there with you”. The power in that is so wonderfully amazing and freeing.

As I remember the words, the voices and the messages; it is ultimately me who can still choose to be in self doubt or to take a step into action.

The voices/characters in my story are not that of the animated ‘devil’ or ‘angel’ but those I trust, which includes my own voice. My own animation. When I can get to that place to trust my own vision, my own voice that is where my confidence then becomes stronger. I am eternally grateful for those who offer me their support with no conditions.

As I listen to my own voice, I am eternally grateful for that inner strength I know I possess to do what is right for me.

I am grateful for my Truest Reflection.



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