Originally published February 3, 2020
Wayne Dyer said “What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you”.
I love this question as it really prompts me to think about what is inside of me at times I feel challenged or ‘squeezed’.
This month I have heard many clients talk about how we react to things…whether it be stress and anxiety or to how someone looks at us or how we hear a ‘tone’ used in a conversation we are having.
I wonder where it is we go when we are suddenly hearing old negative words. I wonder where it is we go when we hear a certain ‘tone’ used in conversation. Does it activate the old tapes…the old stories we keep in our hearts? Do we become defensive? Do we become withdrawn and bitter? Do we wear the mask that we are ‘ok’? If so, why?
One reason could be, that is what I have always done. Perhaps we have been conditioned to dismiss any awareness about what is being said or done. What we are engaged in may actually not be about us. As well, are we really listening? Are we really watching or observing what is happening? Probably not, because personally, I could feel like what is said may be something I’ve heard before and take it to heart. What I’m seeing is possibly one more negative poke at me.
A second reason could be that the old tapes are playing, the old stories are still active and alive. The stories of what I have been telling myself, of what I hold onto in times of struggle. Old beliefs of what I believe I am or what I am or am not capable of.
This is where I have learned to pause and check in with myself. What am I feeling? I want to be curious about what I notice without making a judgement.
How can I do that in the moment? What would it look like to just take a breath and maybe, in the conversation, ask about the ‘tone’? What would it look like to ask myself if what I’m hearing or seeing is about me? What is it that I’m feeling, and is it something I’ve felt before?
I get the question….’how can I do this in the moment of the conversation’? Consider that even the pause and a breath can prompt a different reaction.
Today, I encourage you to stop and take a deep breath when you’re feeling challenged or a struggle with something or someone and check in with the sensations and the emotions that are coming up. Observe the thoughts and ask yourself ‘what is happening right now’?
This could become a great tool with practice. With practice comes great Reflection. With Reflection, comes great discovery.
What will your Reflection discover today?