Originally published December 31, 2020
As I sit here writing this post, I’m reflecting on what has been a truly upward journey this past year. I walked into 2020 hopeful, excited and full of new ideas.
The swoop of a global pandemic as well as hate, racism, fear and anger came in hastily and hungrily into all of our lives. Being hopeful and excited transformed pretty darn quickly into what the hell is with all of this. The change was drastic and not so quiet. People were becoming silent and then not so silent. Respect seemed to take a backseat to ego, fear and anger.
In my own life, a relationship ended and I was forced to do everything differently. Find a new home, embrace a new job but working from home, try to create relationships in a new community where I didn’t really know anyone. As an introvert this may sound ideal and easy, however, I craved connection and not over zoom meetings. My connection to the outside world involved masks or no masks and the judgements, the disrespect and the outrage from those who chose to or not to wear masks. The outpouring of conspiracy theories and end of days rumblings continued daily.
Social media was and is lit up with Do this or you’re part of the herd of sheep. Don’t do this or you are complying with the ‘New World Order’. Not only were there new ways of doing things outside of my home, but inside too. This is where my growth happened.
This is where I asked myself what is it I believe? What is it I need to know or am pretending not to know? What fills my tank and what doesn’t? Who fills my tank and who doesn’t? Who am I through all of this chaos, fear and anger? Am I fearful? Am I angry? This is where I found my strengths. Swimming through the fear, I found my gentle strength. Being gentle with myself and others where I listen and simply observe and do my best not to judge others. My strength comes from staying true to who I am without having to come from a place of ego. Wading through the chaos I heard the voices and chose to be the listener to those who needed to be heard. I chose compassion while I listened. We all have our stories and our pain and our hurt.
Hearing the anger, I chose to be real and drill down that anger. Where is it coming from? The anger seems to be coming from loss. The loss of our lens of normalcy, the lens of our freedoms and rights. Here is where I chose to model resilience and patience and compassion. I can bounce back by living authentically and being true to my values. I can speak my truth with kindness, as I do not need to match the voices of anger. I can still be heard through my actions and behaviors.
I chose and I choose. Reflecting on the last year of change has me choosing to still be hopeful, excited and full of new ideas for the next 12 months. I walk into 2021 with a clear mind and an open heart.
I’m grateful that I, still, get to choose who I am. I open the door to New Beginnings and New Prospects cautiously but full of hope for a positive New Year. What do you choose?
Happy New Year friends, may you find the beauty of what you seek in the mirror.