Originally published February 25, 2020
As a parent, we have experienced all kinds of emotional moments. The moment we become a parent, whatever that looks like; birth, adoption, blended families even a fur baby birth. From the moment we become the momma or the daddy we are in love.
What happens from there is something we never saw coming. We begin to change our world to make sure our ‘child’ is safe and in a place of love and is cared for in the best possible way. We watch them speak their first word, take their first step and even hear them possibly tell us how they love us and we are the best ___ in the world. This is where our happiness and forward steps stem from, we want to keep being the best ___ in the world to our happy joy of life.
Fast forward through the ‘terrible two’s, threes’, the adolescent years of growing into bigger humans and then into young adults. Here is where I want to walk through today with you.
I remember struggling as a youth in a one parent home. I worked a part time job, went to school and aspired to be an accountant. I wanted to follow in the footsteps of a family member I was inspired by. From there I learned how to push my mom’s buttons and I learned what it meant to be a youth and wanting freedom but to still be a part of my family.
Today I am blessed with 2 humans of my own whom I call my successes and challenges of my life. My successes are those that mean a great relationship with both despite distance in kilometers and distance in mental connection.
As they grew I grew, as they struggled I struggled, as they were challenged, I was challenged. But my love never wavered. I may not have liked them at times and they may not have liked me (or my parenting) at times, we still maintained a relationship. As challenges came more apparent, the relationship did start to change as would be expected. But my life as I knew it changed. Where can I go for help? What can I do to help them? Why is what I’m doing not enough?
I have talked to many parents who have felt this way. Many say:
My child has has anxiety, has depression…what can I do to help them? How do I help them without losing myself? Where do I fall? How can I not fail them?
First of all, lets talk about what it is that your child is going through. What is happening to them? Are we aware of what is going on? Do we communicate? Verbally, non-verbally? What works? What doesn’t work?
Does your child withdraw? Does your child lie to you? Is your child motivated?
Have you gone to the doctor for them? Have you had your child take prescription medication?
What do you want to see happen for your child?
We tend to look at our children through the same lens as when they first became ours to protect, save and rescue. However, as they age, the lens does change.
My lens has changed numerous times as my little humans became young adults. The lens continues to change as they change and especially as I change.
I believe we all have the answers, but sometimes it takes someone to help draw out the questions to get those answers. I believe in asking the hard questions, I believe in sitting in the shit, in the discomfort. This is the only place that shows us the truth and allows us to engage our awareness and make the hard choices we need.
Make a choice today to look at your Truest Reflection so you can make the changes needed to assist and model to your young human.